My Elysium

Wow, right on the heels of the report that globally May was the warmest on record, June at home has been been recorded as the second wettest on record, with over 3 times the average rainfall.  Last Sunday alone we received as much in one day as we normally do in month.  The record was in 1942, not long after the Dirty 30’s ended.  No surprise to me we are now getting another very wet year, perhaps our third in a row by my memory, right after coming out of a 20 year dry spell.

I’m certainly no meteorologist and know next to nothing about weather predictions, or historical trends, or anything scientific.  I do however subscribe to the cyclical nature of weather that comes out of folk lore.  Our ancestor’s understanding of weather patterns came from generations of casual observation, not decades of instrumented measurements.  There is much ado about global warming – or not, man’s influence on the atmosphere – or not, and the impending doom we have wrought upon ourselves – or not depending on who you listen to.

I believe that the earth has had many different stages and environments, and that cause and effect play a huge role in how it changes.  I also believe that the earth balances itself out in the long term.  By long term, I mean loooong term.  Hundreds of thousands of years.  It has a huge feedback loop.

The issue with environment change it not whether man has broken the earth, only whether we have crapped in our own backyard enough to make it no fun to live here anymore.  The earth will be fine.  You however may be really uncomfortable.

Way back when I was a kid my dad had a 1960 Dodge Dart Pioneer.  A big, brown, rusting, beautiful thing that sat unmoved on the driveway for several years.  It was one of our favorite places to play.  When it wasn’t a car it was a rocket ship, a pirate ship,  and an awesome make shift sauna for a ten year old on a hot summer day.

When my older brother got his driver’s license he convinced my dad to get the beast working again.  I remember dad sitting at the kitchen table sewing a new headliner.  I also remember the desiccated mice we found removing the old one.  I watched as my dad tried his hand at fiber glassing as he attempted to repair the rusting fenders with a bit of resin and cloth.

After they finally got it running it became my brother’s regular ride.  His contribution to the effort was to install a state of the art…8 track.  I can’t remember how many times I got a ride in that car and the same Petula Clark tape was sticking out of the deck.  I loved her then and I love her now.  A Petula song suddenly appearing in my music stream can brighten up a day like almost nothing else.

The old Dodge was the first in a series of beaters my dad had in a fleet that ultimately grew to four vehicles.  As the father of five boys he was smart enough to not own one worth more than $3000 until after the last of us had moved out.  Each of those cars have their own memories.  No doubt each have stories still secret about something my brothers or I did in and with each of them.  In my turn I had lots of great times in the 1971 Impala.  The body repairs we had to do to it only hinted at how much fun I had in that car. At 95 mph it just floated down the highway, windows down, heading to the lake.   Most of my best stories are still untold, known only to the few involved in each particular antic.

So as I watched my own kids wrecking my cars and backyard modding their own first cars I smile.  I put on the mad dad face when they bang up my car, or get another ticket but that part of the dad job.  Inside, after I get over the fact the my brand new truck has a door that won’t close anymore, I am laughing inside.  Been there done that.  One day my kids will think back to their own stories and smile too.

I’m at work and my wife is on a day off.  I think she planned to garden today.  All I really know is I received this email around noon.

The phone woke me up, I listened to the long stress filled story about the lawnmower, got out of bed, threw my clothes on, went into the garage and no truck.  ??? I mentally review the plan and I’m sure the truck must be here.  I wish for a coffee but I’m in a hurry, someone else might get the lawnmower so there’s no time.  I find the truck on the street in the front, get it unlocked, drive to rona and park.  yay!

Went inside, found the mower, listened to the story again (from the retailer point of view), paid for it, had it loaded into the bed and no straps.  I wish for a coffee. I drove home 15k all the way. 8th street closed I detour to bucks for a coffee and some beans, cuz I deserve a treat and we’re out of coffee.  I’m in line behind two women who are channelling the skunk through their hairdresser.  One is disguised as a leopard on her legs and I snigger to myself thinking that even though I am straight out of bed I am not so ridiculous and they’ve clearly tried hard yet failed miserably.

The first one orders a small caramel macchiato with sugar free syrup and skim milk and a low fat veggie sandwich and pulls out her phone to review text messages.  She does not move along the counter. The second orders a  tall caramel macchiato with the sugar free syrup, and make sure of it please, and skim milk with a low fat turkey bacon sandwich and a peanut butter cookie. She pulls out her phone while the clerk rings her bill.  She can’t pay until she sends her text, and now she can’t pick her cookie up because she’s sending another one.  Now there are ten people lined up behind them and the first one complains to the barista that’s it’s an awfully claustrophobic location.  I excuse myself quietly because after all even the most misguided deserve a nice visit to the coffee shop.  I reach over a phone to get my coffee, walk around the first woman and nudge her out of the way to get a stopper stick and finally make my way out the door and got the truck unlocked.  What I really wanted to do was tell the first bitch to get the fuck out of the way and the second to get her shit together and talk to her peeps when she sits down after I smash both of them into a wall. I get in the truck.  whew, only a few blocks to go, I haven’t even sipped my coffee yet but I’ll save it until I get myself home.  I get back out and take the parking ticket off the windshield.  Fucking skunk head leopard bitch, it’s all her stupid fault.

Home… yay!  I let the dogs out (2) and called mother.  I listened to the story again, and a dog starts to cry very loudly.  omg, is that our dogs???  It sounds like two – what the heck has happened?? Who is hurt?? I put the handset down rush outside and Oaks has locked himself in the garden and he’s loudly unhappy about it.  I let him out and then I can’t find Molly.  I look in every corner of the yard thinking she’s hurt herself and can’t get up.  No Molly.  I come back inside say goodbye to mother, check upstairs, downstairs, main floor, grab a leash and a coat and go back outside.  I check the yard again, calling the whole time.  I walk to the front, I walk around the block, no Molly.  I come inside to get the truck keys and I go to back yard.  Damn, I curse myself, the truck is in front because it has a lawnmower in the bed.  I hear a whimper… the garage door is open a sliver and inside is Molly.

How the hell did she get herself into the garage?? I must not have closed the door when I first checked for the truck this morning and she’s got herself locked in there.  Damn.  I tell you this story so you understand why it’s all your fault. You should have put the truck back in the garage last night.  And you will have to pay my parking ticket to make up for it.  And the dogs go in the garden to hunt cuz you have a mouse house in there and they get locked in cuz the gate is broken. 

Please book the truck in and get that steering issue fixed.  No way am I driving it like that.  I kept thinking a wheel was falling off. Oh yes, and I drove the whole time practically laying on my back peering timidly out the side windows because I couldn’t get the seat adjusted.  You have a sore back because you lay down to drive.  It’s time to sit up.  And you could even reach the signal light if you sat up.

I’m afraid to get out of my chair but i need a cloth to wipe the coffee off my chin.